It seems like every week brings us more and more unbelievable stories in the news. Some funny, some endearing, some borderline ridiculous, some nauseating, and some downright amazing.

With each, it seems that the news would be more bearable, and infinitely more entertaining, if we
could have the perfect beverage with it. Today, we are going to pair the perfect beer with the perfect news story. Now, when pairing beer with food – you usually focus on which flavors, mouthfeel and gravity are most appropriate for the food. For our purposes today, we’re just going for comedic value.

Similar to the disclaimer we gave for the College Football Meets Beer posts, we offer these words of wisdom: Please note that we attempted to poke good-natured fun at all turns. This isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. If you find your blood pressure rising while reading this, drink each of the beers listed below, and then read it again. Repeat as necessary.

Headline: MOAB in Afghanistan

The US drops the MOAB (Mother of All Bombs) on a series of ISIS caves. This bomb was extremely rare – almost impossible to find. And man, did it pack a serious pop.

Suggested pairing: Westvleteren XII. The Westie 12 can only be bought at the monastery, making it exceptionally rare. And at 10.2% it also packs a pop. Some consider it the Holy Grail of beer.

Headline: Bridge Collapse

Atlanta isn’t known as a town devoid of traffic. Having one of the main interstates into the city COLLAPSE does nothing to help the problem. This is certainly driving many people to drink.

Suggested pairing:  What better than a beer from a place called Lion Bridge that is called the Collapse of the Multiverse?

Headline: Trippin’ Billies

Borrowed from bluegrasspreps.com

Grayson Allen from Duke has a weird quirk to his game where he chooses to trip anyone and everyone around him. He’s also known to throw hellacious temper tantrums on the court.

Suggested pairing: Birdfish Brewing Company’s Bitches Be Trippin’

Headline: Fly the W

The Cubs finally win the World Series, for the first time since 1908 … or Forever and Ever ago.

Suggested pairing: Other Half Forever Ever.
Bonus #1. Someone please buy this guy some new beer.
Bonus #2. This beer can also be enjoyed while waiting decades for a flipping giraffe to have a baby.

Headline: The Presidential election. 

In case you’ve been in a cave for the past year, two of the least electable candidates in modern memory faced off against each other. For this beer, we offer a suggested pairing for each candidate.

Suggested pairings:
For Hillary Clinton, Waterfront Brewery Crazy Lady.
For Donald Trump, nothing can beat Arrogant Bastard.

Headline: The Undrinkable (Not talking about Schlitz.)

Water in Flint, Michigan is slightly dirtier than the floor in a Major League Baseball dugout.

Suggested pairing: Parallel 49 Filthy Dirty IPA. I wonder if you can brush your teeth with it, or shower in it.  Hmmm …

Headline: Everyone Freaks Out About Zika.

First it was SARS … and then the bird flu … then H1N1 … and the latest epidemic that was 98% sure to wipe out the vast majority of people in the next 12 minutes was the Zika virus. As with each of the above examples, medicine and prevention slowed everything down. Tragedy averted.

Suggested pairing: 3 Stars Brewing Pandemic.

Headline: Celebrity deaths:

Prince, Arnold Palmer, Muhammad Ali, David Bowie, Gene Wilder, Merle Haggard … Seemed like the year was one celebrity death after another. Almost like a permanent funeral.

Suggested pairing: 3 Floyds Permanent Funeral.

Headline: Pokemon Go Creates Billions of Zombies

Sorry to offend, but people sitting in parking lots for hours and hours, instead of … you know … working and/ or contributing to society – it all seemed a little silly. Maybe every nerdy.

Suggested pairing: Brothers Craft Brewing Pilsnerd
Bonus: See if you can pass the test. Are these Pokemon characters or craft beers?

Headline: Email Server hacking

In the never-ending circus that was our aforementioned election, one of the recurring themes was over that of hacked email servers. Whether it was Hillary sneaking stuff around on her private servers, or the Russians hacking into Trump’s stuff – it was all we could talk about.

Suggested pairing: Hacker Pschorr Munchener Gold. No truth to the rumor that “Pschorr” is German for private email server.

Think you’re more clever-er than our writers? Wow us all with your suggestions below. And share the post with friends who like beer, news, or both.

I’ve been thinking about doing this for awhile now, and I’m finally getting myself together and doing it. I’d like to explore other uses for beer, namely in cooking.  I love using beer when I cook … as rare as that is. Beer can be extremely useful, adding liquid when needed and even imparting some extra flavor into your recipes.  Over the next few posts, we’ll explore some recipes that can use beer.  And then maybe we’ll hit some tips and tricks for cooking with beer too.

For the first installment, we’ll go with the easy, the standard, the ubiquitous Beer Cheese Soup. Chances are you’ve seen this staple at plenty of restaurants.  You can find thousands of recipes for something similar all over the interwebs, and this is somewhat of a compilation of many of them. For the most part, the concept is the same across most recipes.

The Ingredients …

The Directions …

Using a large stockpot, cook the bacon until crisp and then remove with a slotted spoon. Drop the heat back to medium, add the butter and melt. Add the celery, onion, and peppers and cook while stirring until soft.  Give it 5 minutes-ish. Add the flour and make sure it gets fully incorporated – another 5 minutes.

Crank the heat down to medium-low. Add the chicken stock, beer, and half & half and cook at a slow simmer for about 15 minutes. Add the cheese slowly … about 3 ounces at a time … and stir into the su until it is completely smooth. Once all the cheese is in, add the Worcestershire sauce, 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper, Dijon mustard and lemon juice. You’re basically done.

Puree the soup with an immersion blender … one of the greatest kitchen inventions of all time. If you don’t have one, get one.  If you refuse to get one, re-consider. If you still won’t get one, you can do this in a blender.  Word to the wise, do it in small batches so it doesn’t blow up all over the kitchen. 

Just before you serve it, cover it with the bacon you set aside earlier. You can also dice some chive for the top and throw a little more cheddar on top – just for fun. 

Enjoy! And yes, it would be totally appropriate to open another Spotted Cow to enjoy with dinner.The whole thing will take about 30 minutes once you start the cooking process.

A former co-worker of mine (we’ll call her CC) knew that I had a great and fanatical love of beer experimentation. And, as fate would have it, CC’s dislike of beer ran as deeply as my affinity. One weekend, I received a text from her that said, “I just tried a beer and really liked it. I thought you’d be proud.” It was one of my finest and happiest moments, until the following text told me that it was cider.

‘Cider isn’t beer’ would become my consistent message over the years.

Gone are the days when the only non-beer alternative was a wine cooler.  I mean, I liked the Bartles & Jaymes commercials with the two old guys, or Bruce Willis singing the Seagram’s Golden Wine Cooler jingle. But the product was glorified cough syrup. Let’s take a look at the remarkable resurgence and growth of the non-beer alternatives: cider, hard soda, and yes … Zima.

Let’s start with cider.  Is. Cider. Beer? Unfortunately, the answer is: depends on who you ask. The Federal government, for tax purposes, has qualifications to determine the differences between beer,

wine and champagne. And, since it’s the Federal government, the definition has to be intricate, illogical, and patently ridiculous. Ok, ready? If cider is under 7% ABV, it’s considered beer.  Once it hits 7%, it is classified as wine. Unless, of course, at least 25% of the sugars are from malts, then it’s still considered beer.  Still with me? Now, if it’s above .39% carbon dioxide, it’s technically … champagne.  Makes complete sense.

Let’s look at Mirriam-Webster for definitions:

• BEER. an alcoholic beverage usually made from malted cereal grain (as barley), flavored with hops, and brewed by slow fermentation
• WINE. the alcoholic fermented juice of fresh grapes used as a beverage
• CIDER. fermented apple juice often made sparkling by carbonation or fermentation in a sealed container

Or, we could call it, “Did you know?”

Our last post involved beer facts – some fun trivia to take to your local pub, amaze your friends, and score some major points in team trivia.  Continuing that theme – let’s look at the other side of things.  I’m sure you’ve heard things like:

• Beer is best when served cold,
• Bottles are better than cans,
• Draft is better than bottles,
• Guinness in Ireland is better than Guinness here. (I’ve perpetuated this one myself.)

FACT: This is more of a yes and no question. It really depends on your beer hall. If a bar or other

serving establishment properly maintains their draft lines, draft beer is the best and freshest you can get. No light will ever penetrate a keg, and the keg has likely been stored properly, leading to a better experience.

If, however, the bar doesn’t clean and maintain their lines, bad things happen. This is nothing that will make you physically ill, it’ll just make your beer taste like anything other than what it’s supposed to be.You know that smell in a bar?  That SMELL – like those dirty bar mats when they haven’t been cleaned?  That’s bacteria. (Acetobacter, to be exact.) If it’s on the bar mats, it wouldn’t be shocking to find it in the draft lines too.  Again, it won’t make you sick, but it will alter the flavor of your beer.

If it smells skunky in the bar – stick to bottles.  If it’s a reputable establishment and you have some level of confidence that they take care of their draft system – go with draft. It’s your best bet.

If only some enterprising beer blogger had created a handy temperature chart to help you know the right temperature for serving different types of beers …

Any questions?

Let’s face it, people love trivia. The TV show, Jeopardy!, has been around for 83,000 years because people like trivia and facts. According to statistics I just made up, at any given time of the day, there are 57.6 million people in a bar playing team trivia, playing Trivial Pursuit, or acting like they’re working while really playing Trivia Crack on their phones. I’ll say it again … people love trivia.

Discussing an upcoming beertasting with RW and LA, we started firing some beer trivia back and forth, which brings us today’s post. So, why don’t we share some of it so that you can wow your friends, embarrass your children, and/or win the $10 gift card at the next team trivia night. We have compiled the top beer-related trivia and factoids to be found anywhere. And before you ask … yes they’re all for real. They’re on the internet; they HAVE to be!

• But How Did It Taste?
  Some dude named Steven Petrosino set the Guinness Record for chugging a liter of beer (33 ounces) in 1977.  1.3 seconds.  ONE POINT THREE SECONDS.  Rumor has it he was a total lightweight and passed out 3.7 seconds later.

• I’ve Always Been an Overachiever
  Beer is the world’s third most popular beverage, behind Dasani and Snapple … I mean water and tea. The average American consumes 23 gallons of beer per year. That’s 87.06 liters for Mr. Petrosino. (FYI: it would take him almost 2 minutes to drink that much beer!) For reference, those crazy Czechs drink 40 gallons a year per person. We have work to do, folks!

• I Can’t Think This Is a Good Idea
  Alcoholics in Amsterdam help clean the city streets and other public areas.  In exchange for their labor, they get … 5 beers. Not sure we’re helping those that need help.
•  I Think It Was a Double IPA
  Beer can be dated back to the Neolithic Age – around 9500 BC. Brian Williams was there and said it was delicious.
• Ah, But What a Way to Go
  In 1814, a portion of London was flooded when a vat ruptured in a monastery, spilling 400,000 gallons of porter, killing 8 people. No one was charged because they called it an act of God.
• NERDS!
  Stanford researchers found that beer bubbles create a gravity-defying loop. Bubbles head up in the center where frictional drag from the glass is less and down on the outside as the top gets crowded. Stop staring at the doggone bubbles and enjoy the beer!
• Bartender, I Need a Raise!
  The workers who built the Pyramids in Egypt were paid in beer, which was the prevailing
  

  currency of the day. Four liters of beer each day. That would have lasted exactly 5.2 seconds for Steven Petrosino.

• And It Makes Everyone Around You Prettier
  Just like you learned in elementary school … a beer day keeps kidney stones away (or at least reduces the risk by 40%).
• It Pays to Finnish First
  Finland hosts a competition called the Wife Carrying World Championships every year. The winner’s prize? The wife’s weight in beer. Finnish men are encouraging their wives to gain crazy weight leading up to it.
• Big Brother Is a Teetotaler
  It is illegal to show people drinking beer on US television commercials. If you see people drinking, it’s supposed to be a non-alcoholic beverage. Spoil sports.
• I Totally Should Have Had a Different Major
  Zythology … the study of beer and beer-making. Like ‘marketing’ or ‘business’ are ever going to do me any good.
• I Have No Response to That
  

  
  Old Vikings believed that if they lived the right life, they would make it to Valhalla, and a giant goat would supply unlimited beer from its udders. Again, I have no response to that.

• What a Way to Go, Part II
  Ancient Babylonians loved their beer.  In fact, if someone made a bad batch, they were drowned.  In the beer. Open for debate, if the beer was no good, it truly could be a terrible punishment.
• Don’t We All Suffer From This?
  Cenosillicaphobia is the fear of an empty beer glass. Friends don’t let friends suffer.  It’s best to travel in packs and watch out for each other so we never have to succumb to cenosillicaphobia.
• No Confirmation On Whether They Could Field a Better Team Than the One in Milwaukee
  The first professional brewers were all women named brewsters. It is said that a woman had to be very beautiful to be allowed to be a brewster. Rumor has is that all brewsters became substantially more beautiful as the night wore on.
• Sweetwater 420 Fans Be Like, “Duh!”
  Beer’s hops are in the same family of flowering plants as marijuana. So, if medical marijuana is becoming a thing, do you think a few pints could be slipped into that IV in the hospital too?
• No Wonder He Won the Nobel Peace Prize!
  President Jimmy Carter signed a bill that created tax exemption for beer brewed at home for
  

  personal use.  Good news/ bad news. It opened the door for today’s craft brewery explosion, but it also allowed his brother to make Billy Beer.

• And Every Kid Had a Perfect Attendance Record
  Until the 1970s, table beer was served in schools. Teachers all thought the kids were completely chill every afternoon.
• Here They Just Make You Want to Drink
  In Argentina, political parties have their own brands of beer. I guess we do too … Grumpy Old Men Brewery in Blue Ridge, GA and Big Time Brewery’s Whiny the Complainer.
• Flavor Saver? Try Flavor Waster
  Over 160,000 pints of Guinness are wasted each year in mustaches. Come on, guys. 

This truly is the most wonderful time of the year. 42 bowl games in about three weeks. But who can keep track of who’s playing when; what time is kickoff, what channel they’re on, etc? I wish I could find a handy-dandy guide to bowl season that included:

• Game
• Teams
• Line
• Date & Time
• Channel

After rave reviews of the posts lampooning SEC and Big10 fans, we head to the left coast to take a stab at the PAC-12. Here’s the disclaimer again …

Please note that we attempted to poke good-natured fun at all schools. This isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. If you find your blood pressure rising while reading this, drink each of the 12 beers listed below, and then read it again. Repeat as necessary.

California. Terrapin Wake-N-Bake. Dude! This one is just too easy. Every time I think of Berkeley, I think of this scene from the movie PCU:

Oregon. Bud Light. Since there is a different can for each NFL team, we’re really just trying to get you excited about the colors, masking the fact that we’re a watered-down version of the real thing.
Oregon State. Palisade Dirty Hippie. We’d rather sit around birdwatching than actually pay attention to a football team. Or going to class.
Stanford. Treehouse Brewing Eureka! We’re weird and we know it. We’re oddly proud of it. And everyone just seems to accept the fact that a lot of resource was expended so that we can be so weird.

Hite – how we say ‘delicious’ in Korea … and Washington.

Washington. Hite Beer (Korea.) Since the student body is roughly 2% athletic scholarship, 1% ‘other’ and 97% Asian, it seemed fitting to go with a beer from Korea.
Washington State. Busch Beer. Every student is required to drink a Busch beer every time Washington State scores. Or the coach tortures a player for having a headache. Cold, cheap, and easily forgotten – Wazzu & Busch!

Arizona. Landshark Lager. Don’t care what it tastes like. We’re just here to sit next to a pool, get a tan, and get loaded.
Arizona State. Oculto. Such a really cool logo – strikes fear and intrigue into everyone who sees it. The product is ehhhh, it’ll do if there isn’t any cough syrup handy.

Colorado. Grolsch. I haven’t seen this in SO long. As it turns out, the opening is the coolest part of the whole thing. Largely forgettable after Ralphie pops the top at the beginning.
UCLA. Sapporo Space Barley. Nestled between Bel-Air and Beverly Hills, only the best will do. Space Barley is one of the world’s most expensive beers. Doesn’t hurt that it’s Japanese, since we’re talking about the University of Caucasians Lost among Asians.
USC. Haffenreffer Private Stock. Smack in the middle of Snoop Dogg/ LBC territory, a bunch of snooty elitist rich kids go to an expensive school. Enter HPS – it sounds like something that belongs in the Ivy League, but it’s still just a 40 of malt liquor.
Utah. Wasatch Polygamy Porter. Come on, this is just too easy.

And that’s a wrap on the third installment.  We’ll be back soon with the ACC. And then finish with the Big 12. Comments, shares, and like are always appreciated!

Recently, we had some fun exploring what beer your team would be if it could be characterized into a single beer. We started with the SEC and received a great response. So, this week, let’s slide to the north and explore the fourteen members of the Big Ten (+1+1+2).  And a reminder of our same disclaimer from the first post …

Please note that we attempted to poke good-natured fun at all schools. This isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. If you find your blood pressure rising while reading this, drink each of the 14 beers listed below, and then read it again. Repeat as necessary.

Indiana. Back Forty Truck Stop. Sweet, relatively unknown, but it’s country and it doesn’t care what you think. And no – there’s nothing wrong with tailgating from the back of a tractor … or at a truck stop – WITH a Truck Stop.
Maryland. Conscious Culture Festive-Ale Pale. So, our product isn’t any good which means we’ll

Maryland would approve …

confuse you with the label. So many things going on and so many different colors.
Michigan. Koelschip Mistery of Beer. It’s the highest ABV of any beer ever made at 70%. They used to brew one at 65%, but then some brewery in Knoxville came in at 67.5%, so they recounted and came up with 70%.
Michigan State. Magic Hat #9. People are intensely loyal to this brand and the ‘Magic’ it brings to any party. And oh my goodness, does this beer like to party!
THE Ohio State University. THE Madtree Identity Crisis. THE beer that THE people in THE town where THE brewery is located drink. We’re not A Madtree Brewery, we’re THE Madtree Brewery, and we want to make sure you know it. Often.
Penn State. Jailhouse Conjugal Visit.  Too soon?
Rutgers. Red Stripe. It’s like some random exchange student that came in from nowhere and wandered into your party, but really doesn’t belong there in the first place.

Illinois. Miller High Life. It’s the Champaign of Beers. We’re the forgotten beer inside a massive brewery. Everyone focuses their attention on the giant beer up the road. So, we just hang out in our quiet corner, being not very good.
Iowa. New Glarus Spotted Cow. You kind of forget about it until you stumble upon it, and then you remember how consistent it is; all that despite never being able to score many points on the IBU scale.
Minnesota. Cold Spring Panther Ice Ale. Yes, we know it’s cold – and that’s how we like it. Weak and super-cold, the beer has little flavor but packs more punch than Lite beer neighbors.

Nebraska. Creature Comforts Tropicalia. With such a rabid and loyal following, this one sells out every single batch, and has since the beginning of time.
Northwestern. Pliny the Younger. The beer that beer snobs will talk about with other beer snobs so that they can show off their intelligence, but they’ve never had it. And never will.
Purdue. Zima.  Wait, they’re still around? I haven’t heard about it in so long, I kinda thought they ceased to exist. And it wasn’t that good in the first place! (Editor’s note – yes, it still exists in Japan, apparently.)
Wisconsin. MobCraft Red Zone Jump Around Amber. Maybe this is a cheesy selection, but it’s red, it’s local, and we don’t care if it tastes like urine.

Alright, kids. Another conference is on display. What do you think? Do you have better suggestions for any of the above? Leave comments below and make sure to share with your Big 10 friends!
And if you’re enjoying these posts, please take a second and provide your email address in the “Follow by Email” box to the right. Thank you!

I was working with a client several years ago who hailed from England. Worcestershire, to be exact. I spent two straight weeks with him travelling across the state, finding potential suppliers for his business.  Without fail, at dinner, when asked what he’d like to drink, he would say “I’ll have a beer, please.” And every time the waiter would ask the obvious follow-up question, wondering if he could be more specific. But this speaks to the shift in the grand world of beer. In days of yore, when saddling up at the local pub in England, that was the order … “I’ll have a beer, please.” But in today’s world, the choices are seemingly infinite. Shandy, farmhouse, doppelbock, quadrupel, Kolsch … what does it all mean?

With huge thanks to Beer Advocate and Wikipedia, from whom I pilfered a lot of this content, here is a quick and simple guide to beer terminology. So, next time you see something like the Rock Bottom Cask Conditioned Bourbon Chocolate Oatmeal Stout, you don’t have to fret. Below is a handy guide with definitions and in some cases, a quick history lesson on some common beer terms and/or titles. Using this guide, you can hopefully translate beer names into something that makes more sense.

• ABBEY. A variety of strong ales, similar to the Trappist beers, but not made in monasteries although, in some cases, they have been at one time. The term “Abbey ale” refers more to a relationship with a monastery than it does with a specific beer style. 
• ABV. Alcohol By Volume. The relative alcohol strength of a beer, listed as a percentage.
• AGED. Generally speaking, exactly as it sounds. Beer that has been aged – often in barrels that
  

  previously held other liquids, like bourbon. Aging by itself will change the flavors and aromas in beer, even more so when taking on the flavors of the barrel and it’s previous contents.

• ALE. Warm-fermented beer that typically gives a sweet & full-bodied product. (FYI – the beer isn’t warm – the brewing process is called warm-fermenting.)
• AMBER. Catch-all term for ales that have a deeper color; lighter than truly dark ales. Amber color is generally created by using amber malt, which gives this style it’s stereotypical malty flavor.
• BARLEY WINE. With the strength of wine and the complexity of cognac, these beers show extraordinary richness, depth, and alcoholic warmth. Like fine wines, they benefit from aging, which allows their intense flavors to marry and deepen. Barley wines are very similar to English strong ales, but are usually set apart by more assertive hop bitterness and a high residual malty sweetness.
• BIÈRE de GARDE. Often bronze or amber. Originally a strong, top-fermenting, bottle-conditioned brew intended for cellaring. May have caramel flavors from long boil. Today, they are often bottom-fermented and filtered. 4.4%-7.5% ABV. The Frensh version of a “Saison” or “Farmhouse.”
• BITTER. Basically, a pale ale. This term was created as a way to diffentiate these slightly (to sometimes significantly) hoppy ales from other mild beers.
• BLONDE. Often aromatic and fruity-tasting, some of these are at a conventional alcohol content of 4%-5% ABV. Others are stronger. The most famous are the very strong ones like the deceptively drinkable Duvel, at 8.5% ABV. 
• BOCK. Bockbiers are strong beers that can be traced to the town of Einbeck Germany, circa 1250. They were originally spontaneously top-fermented dark beers primarily made of wheat. They usually have more than 6.25% ABV, and may be golden, tawny or dark brown. Outside Germany, strengths vary, and a bock is usually dark.
• BOHEMIAN. Czech-style pilsner. Generally light in color and with hoppy undertones. 
• BROWN. This classic style from Flanders Belgium combines malty sweetness with a sourness gained from several months of maturation (usually in metal tanks). The most complex examples have a secondary fermentation in the bottle. Oudenaarde is the most famous producing town, located in East Flanders. 
• CASK-CONDITIONED. An unfiltered beer which is conditioned in a cask without adding CO2 or nitrogen pressure. Often cloudy and much lighter on the carbonation.
• CREAM STOUT. A style which has only about 3.75% ABV in its domestic market but more than 5% in the Americas. Sweet stout usually contains milk sugars (lactose), and is a soothing restorative. Very low hops (15-25 IBU).
• DOUBLE. Double usually notes just ‘more’. More of the prevailing flavor in the beer. A Double Chocolate is going to be dessert in a cup. A Double IPA will be very hoppy.
• DUBBEL. Both dubbels and quadruppels tend to be darker in color, but vary in strength and flavor profile. Dubbels are largely malt forward, with roasty qualities. They typically range from 6.5% to 8% ABV.
• DUNKEL. Pronounced malty aroma and flavor that dominates over a clean crisp moderate hop bitterness. They can be chocolatey, chewy, and often exhibit a bread-like aroma, from the use of Munich malt. Colors range from light brown to dark brown.
• ESB. Characterized by medium to strong hop aroma, bitterness (30-55 IBU), and a richer maltiness than special bitter. The combination of both the stronger malt (4.8%-5.8% ABV) and the higher hop value make ESBs the most complex and full-flavored bitter style.
• FARMHOUSE. See “Saison” and “Biere de Garde”
• GOSE. Lighter colored unfiltered wheat beer that is quite lemony!  Very lemon-y!
• HEFEWEIZEN. “Hefe” means “unfiltered” or “with yeast”. German style wheat beers are highly carbonated, have low hop character and are brewed using at least 50% malted wheat. Sometimes they are called “Weissbiers”, or white beer. 
• HONEY. Really just means it’s brewed with honey. This term doesn’t characterize the style of beer at all – it’s really just an ingredient that can be in any range of beers.
• IBU. International Bitterness Units. A quantitative description of the relative hoppiness of a beer. 0-20 means that there is virtually no discernible hop bitterness; 20-50 means it will be more pronounced; 50+ will be the ‘spicier’ beers i.e. IPAs.
• ICE. Brewers reduce the temperature of the beer to the point ice crystals form. They filter that out which artificially increases the alcohol content. Typically weak flavored and very light in appearance.
• IMPERIAL. Similar to the ‘I’ in IPA. These originally were beers that were brewed in England and shipped to Russia. They were pumped full of ingredients to survive the voyage. Imperial is now just an indication that the beer is very big and bold – in flavor and in ABV.
• IPA. The stars of the hop world. As with a number of brewing styles, IPA was born out of necessity. When the British were colonizing India, the beers they sent down to their troops kept spoiling during the long sea voyage. With an extra healthy dose of hops and alcohol (40-65 IBU and 5% -7.5% ABV respectively), both having great preservative value, their problems were solved, and the world had another distinctive beer style. 
• KÖLSCH. Originally, this was only brewed in Cologne, Germany. This is usually light in appearance, quite dry and surprisingly hoppy.
• LAGER. Lager is cold fermeted and then allowed to mature in cold storage.
• LAMBIC. Lambics represent the oldest style of beer (and beer making) found in the modern world. Specific to the Brussels area, this style resembles wine and champagne more than any other beer in the world. They gain their tartness from a content of at least 30% raw wheat in addition to malted barley, but their defining characteristic is the use of wild yeast, or “spontaneous” fermentation. It is not uncommon for Lambics to have a fermentation period of two or three years, and much of that time in wooden casks. Most of these beers have a conventional alcohol content, in the range of 3%-6% ABV.
• LIGHT. Lower alcohol, lighter flavor, lower taste profile. These are generally just a watered-down version of a breweries staple. Think Budweiser becomes Bud Light.
• MAIBOCK (Helles bock). Lighter in color (“helles” means light in German), with an average strength of 6% -7.5%. Hop bitterness is low, yet noble hop aroma may be at medium levels. (20-35 IBU).
• MÄRZEN. See also ‘Oktoberfest’. Originally, Bavarian law stated that beer could only be brewed between September 29 and April 23. Marzen was brewed in the month of March (Marz, in German.) Full-bodied, rich and toasty!
• OATMEAL. Medium roasted malt and caramel/chocolate character, moderate bitterness, and generally a mild oatmeal flavor. The addition of oatmeal to a stout sometimes produces a silky texture. 4%-6% ABV on average.
• OKTOBERFEST. Ur-Marzen, meaning “original of March”, are beers that were brewed in March, and made stronger to remain preserved over the summer months, prior to the help of modern refrigeration. Ur-Marzens are full-bodied lagers that are amber in color and usually weigh in at around 6% ABV, with bitterness at about 18-25 IBU.
• PALE. Traditionally golden to copper in color, pale ales have low to medium maltiness, with English hop varieties providing flavor and bitterness. Pale ales are not really “pale”. The term was originally used to distinguish these ales from porters and stouts. They tend to have a bit more assertive flavors than most beers in the “Bitters” category.
• PATERSBIER. www.homebrewersassociation.org calls this the “Lawnmower Beer of Trappist Monks.” Perfect, PERFECT description! When Trappist monks brew beer, they typically brew a lighter beer and call it a ‘patersbier’ of “Father’s beer.” There is no distinct style associated with this name, just that it is a weaker version of one of their regular beers.
• PILSNER. A pale lager that originated in the city of Pilsen. Pilsner Urquell is the gold standard and is the inspiration for most pilsners. Light blond lager.
• PORTER. Porters were the first beer style in the world to achieve national distribution, due to the industrial revolution. The style can be dated to the early 1700’s. It has been argued that porter takes its name from the train porters who used to sell their beer throughout the early British rail system. The darkness of the beer covered up cloudiness and the roasty full flavor helped mask flavor defects. These were helpful beer style characteristics during a period when problems with consistency in brewing were commonplace. Today, porters range from 4% -6.5% ABV, and 20-40 IBU. See also “Stout.”
• QUADRUPEL. As one might guess, quads are the darkest and the strongest of the Trappist/ Abbey-style beers, with an emphasis on the malt. They tend to be a little harder to find.
• RADLER. Same as “Shandy”
• RED. Mainly from West Flanders, they are the more sharply acidic, reddish, half-brothers to the Brown Beers of East Flanders, with the additional difference that they are often filtered and pasteurized. The sharp acidity and some of the color is derived from aging in large wooden tuns.
• SAISON. Seasonal beers for the summer, but available all year round. It was once a poor-man’s blend of several beers, designed to be a thirst-quencher for local farm workers. At 5% – 7% ABV, Saisons are regarded as “light” summer specialties. They are usually amber to orange in color, and often quite dry, with a citric, peppery, quenching quality. This can be attributed to hard water, heavy hopping, spicing, or deliberate souring. 
• SCOTCH. Fairly high in alcohol (6%-8% ABV) and flavor intensity. Scotch ales are overwhelmingly malty and full-bodied, with a clean and balanced alcohol flavor, and very low hop profile (25-35 IBU). They are often peaty or smoky in character and may have a fruity aroma or flavor.
• SHANDY. Beer mixed with another beverage, such as ginger ale, carbonated lemonade, etc. Or, you can say almost anything Leinenkugel makes these days.
• STOUT. The term ‘stout’ is basically interchangeable with ‘porter.’ The only slight variation is that stouts can be seen as stronger than porters.
• STRONG. Often referred to as old ales due to a long aging process that smooths the alcohol flavors and maltiness. Strong ales range from amber to brown in color, and can reach potencies of 11% ABV.
• TRAPPIST. This term is properly applied only to a brewery in a monastery of the Trappists, one of the most severe orders of monks. This order was established at La Trappe, in Normandy. The Trappists have the only monastic breweries in Belgium, all making strong ales with a re-fermentation in the bottle. Some gain a distinctly rummy character from the use of candy-sugar in the brew-kettle. They do not represent a style, but they are very much a family of beers.
• TRIPEL. Probably the most pervasive style of the Trappist/ Abbey-style beers, tripels are lighter in color, yet higher in strength, usually over 8% ABV. It has been written that tripels use three times the normal amount of malt, dubbels twice as much, etc. True or not, tripels are fine examples of a light color/high strength beer style. Tripels can be very dry to very sweet, showing more range within their category than the other sub-styles.
• WEISSBIER. Same as “Hefeweizen.”
• WHEAT. Beer brewed with a lot more wheat than malted barley. Two main varieties weissbier (aka Hefeweizen) and witbier.
• WIT. Witbier was originally popularized in Hoegaarden, a small town in a wheat-growing region east of Brussels and Leuven. This style is usually made from equal portions of raw wheat and malted barley, spiced with ground coriander seeds and dried orange peels. The fruitiness imparted by the wheat blends well with the orange and coriander. Wheat beers can be filtered, but less easily than those made from barley malt. They usually tip the scale around 5% ABV.

Whether you have Celiac disease, a gluten allergy, or just think that avoiding gluten is the magic key to a Narniesque state where weight magically disappears – the ‘gluten-free’ world is here, and it is here to stay. Instead of going all scientific on you, I’ll just give you this two sentence primer:
Gluten is a mixture of proteins found in wheat and related grains, including barley, rye, oat, and all their species and hybrids. Lots of those same items can be used to make beer.  So, you ask me, how can we have gluten-free beer? I’m glad you asked.

It used to be that gluten-free beer fell into one of three categories: awful, horrific and Castor oil. One friend said that the original GF beers reminded her of Robin Williams drinking formaldehyde beer in Good Morning, Vietnam. But, thanks to modern times, modern technology, ingenuity, and trial & error, massive strides have been made here. NOW, gluten-free beer can fall into one of three categories:

• Gluten-Free. Beer that is brewed without using ingredients that contain gluten. Brewers have learned that they can brew using millet, rice, sorghum, buckwheat or corn. None of these ingredients contain gluten and can therefore be used to create gluten-free products.
• Gluten-Removed. Beer that is brewed normally and then goes through a process to remove all gluten. Some traditional brewers will brew beer using the standard barley, but then denature the gluten using an enzyme. The resulting product is indeed gluten-free. However, some beer enthusiasts and gluten-free purists will tell you that this isn’t the real deal.
• Minimal Gluten. Beer that we all know and love already, but it has a small enough gluten content that it can still ‘qualify’ as gluten-free.  In August 2013, the US FDA approved gluten-free labeling standards. if a food or beverage has less than 20 PPM (parts per million) of gluten, it can technically be called gluten-free. As an example, Corona has less than 20ppm. NOTE: Corona does not claim to be a gluten-free product, even though they could. PLEASE be careful with these products – celiacs have reported that these low-gluten products can still cause problems.