Beer + Wrestling + … Fruity Pebbles?

Stone Brewing Co. ™ must have some lawyers without much to do. It all started with a lawsuit in early 2018 against MillerCoors (now Molson Coors) over the new branding of Keystone. Miller Coors started labeling it simply as ‘Stone’ and the folks at Stone Brewing Co. ™ were none too pleased. Stone Brewing Co. ™ CEO Dominic Engels said, “I don’t think anyone would truly confuse that crap with the beer we brew, but I thought I could make a few bucks off the big boys.”

The craft industry quickly rallied, clamoring for a victory from independent craft beer versus the big boys. It appears as though that initial lawsuit whet the appetite of Engels’ legal team. Since that case became public, Stone Brewing Co. ™ has since gone after over 100 other businesses that dare the use the word ‘stone’ in their name. Breweries, bars, restaurants, pizza joints … no one is safe from Stone Brewing Co.’s ™ reign of legal terror. Seeking to further their reach, Stone Brewing Co. ™ announced on Friday that they are filing suit against Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for using a term that’s “kinda, sorta similar” to Stone Brewing Co.’s ™ brand. Johnson, who first gained popularity as a professional wrestler and later grew into one of the most famous actors in Hollywood, has been using the nickname “The Rock” since bout 1997. Said Engels,

“People probably think I’m some Arrogant Bastard for going after Dwayne Johnson. But we were founded a few months before he started using that name and feel that the majority of his popularity stems from his usage of a term that’s a synonym for the name of our Brewery.”

But it doesn’t stop there. Rumor has it that Stone Brewing Co. ™ has now turned their attention to other brands. Be on the lookout for future legal claims against Post Cereals (for their Pebbles, both Fruity and Cocoa), the California Granite Quarry (in Rocklin, California no less), and an all-out legal assault on Hanna-Barbera for their blatant infringements on The Flintstones: Barney Rubble, Pebbles, Fred Flintstone, Joe Rockhead, and Mr. Slate.

Be very nervous, Mario Lopez – you may be next for your portrayal of AC Slater on Saved by the Bell.

This article is parody, in case you didn’t already know that. It’s meant to be funny so lighten up, Francis. If we use real people’s names, all the supporting details are totally made up.