Since the dawn of man, we have exhibited a bizarre and innate desire to compare and contrast. It’s not enough to be good … is it better or worse than something else? Here some things I have heard debated …

• What’s the most important invention of all time? Fire, paper, or the internet?
• Who would win a one-on-one basketball game? Michael Jordan or Wilt Chamberlain?
• What’s the most disappointing movie sequel of all-time? Actually, there’s no debate here – it’s Caddyshack 2.

Along with debates like these, you’ve also likely run across lists of “The Best ____” in each state, city, region, etc. Just like the comparison game, these lists are incredibly subjective and prone to massive leaps of faith and logic in order to come to a nice, tidy conclusion. More often than not, they’re just there for the click-bait and actually hope that you’ll hate what they shared. Because if you’re angry, you share and comment … and they get more hits.

Knowing this, I’m still here to discuss a list that I found particularly egregious in their flawed logic. This particular list used only fact-based criteria in order to create the content, which is certainly laudable. But there are two steps to create a fact-based list that actually carries some credibility: 1) stick to the numbers, and 2) use numbers that actually matter and prove the point. Groupon ignored the latter. In a recently published article, Groupon set out to list the “Best State for Beer Lovers.” Intrigued by the title, I dove in. My first stop was at the metrics used to create the list. After all – “best state for beer” can be a very subjective discussion, and I couldn’t imagine how they’d come to their conclusions. Thankfully, they shared the three main data points:

QUALITY

Groupon proudly shares that their quality ranking is based on “each state’s top 5-rated beer scores on BeerAdvocate.com.” Wait, are they serious? Top five? Meaning 5? ONLY 5?? Ummmm, based on that theory … if one brewery churned out the 5 greatest beers in the world, and literally every other beer in the state was complete garbage, this state would be ranked as having the highest quality. That’s a bold strategy, Cotton.

AFFORDABILITY

I’m going to paste this one directly. Because you can’t make this stuff up.
“The overall affordability ranking considered both the cost of a 12oz. Miller Lite in bars and the cost of a 24-pack of Miller Lite or Bud Light in stores (Total Wine and Walmart, specifically).”  I’m sorry, but what? You’re going to base the results of a study on the best states for BEER LOVERS on the average price of MILLER LITE??? Checking the calendar …. confirmed. This is not April 1st. They’re actually serious.

ENTHUSIASM

Groupon went straight into patting-themselves-on-the-back mode here. They looked for the number of beer-related Groupons offered per 1,000 residents. This could only barely, tangentially be related to beer-related enthusiasm. I’m stretching to give them a sliver of credit on this one. And it’s a massive, massive stretch. How about average line length at bottle releases?

To say this list was patently laughable is a gross understatement. But at least we now know that Michigan is a great place to go for cheap Miller Lite and Nevada churns out Groupons like crazy. I’ll sleep better tonight. If you’d like a less ridiculous list than Groupon’s version, try this one from Beer Connoisseur. I particularly appreciate their disclaimer at the bottom:

Building a list ranking the 50 states of brewing is incredibly hard. There’s no way to effectively quantify or qualify a state’s beer scene. With more than 7,000 breweries in the U.S., there’s plenty of quality beer in each state as well as exceptionally gifted brewers perfecting their craft.

The takeaway? Read all of these lists online with a salt lick-sized grain of salt. Except for the ones BabyGotBeer creates. Those are completely legit.

So, you’re off to the big beer fest or heading out with friends for a night on the town. You’re not in college anymore: knocking back a dozen light beers, 3 tequila shots, 4 slices of midnight pizza – and then expecting to recover quickly the next day … it’s just not gonna happen. We’ve grown slightly older and have hopefully learned from some of those past benders (some of us needed more ‘lessons’ than others.) Now we know that it’s important to pre-game if we’re going to imbibe later in the day. There is a delicate balance in play here: don’t eat enough or have the wrong foods, and we could be face down in the dumpster two-hours into the festival. Eat too much, and we feel like we’re waddling into the event and too packed full to consider anything other than Pepto-Bismol. Here’s a quick crash course on foods to include, foods to avoid, and portion sizes … all designed to maximize the fun of the day.

BabyGotBeer is off to cover the 2019 Roswell Beer Festival on Saturday. There are nearly 500 beers there. No, we won’t try them all, but we need to plan the morning and afternoon properly so that we can fully take advantage.

What to Eat

The key here is to put enough of the right type of food into your system so that you don’t feel gross and jacked full, but also to have food that is digested more slowly. If you knock back a plate of something greasy, it’ll disappear too quickly, and you’ve defeated the purpose. Here are some foods you should consider incorporating into the pre-game meal:

• Healthy fats/ proteins. These take a long time to digest will slow the process of alcohol absorption. Think avocado, salmon, grilled chicken etc.
• Something high in potassium. You lose potassium when you pee, so things like baked potatoes and milk are a good way to counterbalance that loss. I wonder if a milk stout has the same effect?
• Fruits and veggies. They’re loaded with water, so it’s a good way to start the hydration process before you even start.
• Water. Duh … early and often.
• Pasta. We all know about carb-loading. Pasta is a good way to go. Maintains your glycogen levels and keeps you full longer.
• Cereal. Yes – knock back some Honey Nut Cheerios. High in fiber, it digests slowly and provides a nice pause button on alcohol into the bloodstream.
• Eggs. they carry the protein mentioned before but also contain amino acids that help to break down the alcohol faster.

Portion Sizes

Take it easy. If you have a massive plate of pasta with a 12-ounce piece of salmon on top, yes you followed the rules above quite nicely. But now you’re so full that the thought of a sip of stout makes you think you’re either Violet the Blueberry in Willy Wonka or that huge, fat guy in Monty Python’s Meaning of Life. You’re going to explode! So, let’s throttle back on portion sizes here. Again, we’re looking for a healthy balance of the right foods and the right portion sizes. Protein … size of your fist. NO MORE THAN THAT. You’re not at a Brazilian steak house … no meat sweats today. Just enough to have a nice fill.

And if you need snacks during the day, nuts, olives … small & light snacks are the only way to go!

What to Avoid

• Sugar. Alcohol is sugar. Adding more sugary components will really mess with blood sugar levels.
• Fried foods. Good fats good. Bad fats bad. Your stomach has enough issue digesting fast food. And they usually are loaded with salt, which leads to massive dehydration.
• Side Salad. There’s just no substance to it. It won’t slow down alcohol absorption at all, and it isn’t substantial enough to do any good. But it sure is healthy!
• Tomatoes/ spicy foods. You’re already attacking your stomach – don’t make it worse with acidic foods that will only worsen that assault.
• Caffeine. Caffeine jacks you up and can make you think that you can handle more when you really can’t. Add an alcohol crash onto a caffeine crash … you’re done.
• Salt. It can make you feel bloated, which sucks enough. But psychologically, it also makes you less likely to drink the water you need. Dehydration is the enemy.

Plan ahead, boys and girls, you (and pretty much everyone you encounter later that day) will thank you.

The bottle share. A gathering of folks who enjoy trying new beers and more importantly, enjoying them in the company of friends, new and old. It has the potential to be a fantastic evening – a chance to experiment with and experience beers and styles you wouldn’t normally try. It’s one of my favorite exbeeriences out there, but it also has some potential pitfalls or issues. Below is a list of what to know, what to do, and what to avoid. We even have some bonus tips for the host(s).

What to Know

• How much beer do I bring?
  In general, you want to bring enough for everyone to have a taste, certainly not enough for everyone to have a full pour. This event isn’t about drinking tons of beer and getting hammered – it’s about trying many different styles and beers. Rule of thumb – find out the expected number of guests and try to have enough for everyone to have 2-3 ounces.
• What beer should I bring?
  First, find out from the host if there is a theme. In my experience, there almost always will not be a theme. In that case, your host should set the expectations on the level of beer to bring. Some shares are for whales – those eternally sought-after and extremely rare & expensive beers. You can’t roll into a whale share with your year-round flagship from the brewery down the street. Sure, you can still stay and play, but most people will be thinking, “Thanks for the Sierra Nevada … now enjoy some of the Pliny the Younger I brought.” I recommend bringing something fun and different – don’t just grab a sixer of the first thing you see on the shelf. Maybe this is an opportunity to get a growler from the local brewery – a seasonal or a first-time release that most people probably haven’t had yet. You don’t have to sell a major organ to attend, but no one wants your fridge turds* either.
  * Fridge turd. The ‘just okay’ beer that’s been sitting in the back of your fridge for who-knows-how-long.
• Should I eat before I go?
  Basically, yes. You’re going to taste a wide variety of beers. Doing so on an empty stomach could cause … problems. It’s a good idea to have a nice meal before you go (unless your host explicitly tells you that dinner will be provided.) On the other hand, you don’t want to power through the meat sweats at the all-you-can-eat and waddle in either. You’ll probably have some thick and heavy stuff coming your way during the share – you will not enjoy it if you’re stuffed to the rafters when you arrive.

What to Do

• Bring enough beer for everyone to enjoy. If you only have one bottle of that crazy-amazing beer you want to share and there will be 10 people attending, leave it at home. There is no way to really share such a small amount with that number of people. If you can’t bring enough for everyone to have a good taste, leave it at home and enjoy it at another time.
• Try. Be open-minded. Maybe you’re not into Double IPAs, but the person who brought this one probably spent time (and certainly money) to bring this particular beer. Give it a real and honest, open-minded try. It’s only a few ounces anyway, right?
• Know your limitations. We’re big boys and big girls now. We know when we’ve had enough. There is nothing wrong with taking a break or just tapping out for good. No harm in that at all. That leads into …
• Water. Water is your friend here. You don’t need to saddle up with the garden hose, but an ounce or three between each beer will go a long way. And it’ll help cleanse the palate for the next beer, too.
• Ask if someone wants your pour. If you don’t like a beer, that’s absolutely fine. But don’t pour it down the drain or force it into your own stomach. Maybe someone loved it and would like an additional sip. Offer it up if it’s not for you.

What NOT to Do

• Do not show up late and try to catch up.
• Drive. C’mon people. In the age of Uber/Lyft, there is absolutely NO reason to get behind the wheel. None. Zero. Zip. Nada.
• Show up with extra friends. The host is planning this thing, and people are planning how much beer to bring. “Cousin Eddie made a surprise visit to the house, so I thought I’d let him tag along.” No. If you have someone you’d like to bring, ask the host first.
• Open someone else’s beer. Unless they ask you to, wait for them to open what they brought. It’s just good etiquette.
• Bash someone else’s beer. Again – they put thought into this and are excited to share it. If it’s not for you, that’s fine. If they ask you your opinions on it, it’s fine to say that it wasn’t for you. But don’t be an ass about it.
• Get offended if someone else doesn’t like your favorite beer. Just like the previous line, we all have different tastes and preferences. That’s the best part about these shares!
• Crack open another bomber when the evening is done. We all know when it’s closing time. People are calling their rides and you pop open a Russian Imperial Stout. Just … no. It’s okay to leave it as a gift for the host or put it back in your cooler for another day.

Notes for the Host(s)

• Give some guidance on the evening in advance of the share.
  • Is there a theme? All Belgians, all IPAs, etc. Most shares do not have a theme.
  • Give an idea of the rarity-level of the beers being brought. (In other words, if you know you have several people bringing whales, it’s best to set that expectation before people arrive.)
  • Will you provide any food or snacks? More on this below.
  • Set very clear times. It’s up to the guests to get there on time, as noted above. However, it’s best to let people know in advance that this will not turn into a crazy all-nighter with people crashing on your couch.
• Snacks. At the very least, have some pretzels, peanuts, crackers, etc on hand. You can order pizza too, but you have to have something for people to nosh on.
• Doesn’t hurt to have a cooler and ice on hand.
• Provide water. Again, this isn’t a scene from Animal House. Alternating between beer and water is essential to maintaining sanity … and not feeling zombie-like the next day.
• Provide plastic cups or glassware. I can go either way on this one. Yes, plastic is easy and cheap, but not always ideal for serving beer. Glass is certainly better, but unless you want to roll out 100 glasses, people will continually be rinsing their glasses out or pouring an IPA on the remnants of an amber. To me, a boatload of plastic cups is the best way to go. If you do go with plastic, make sure they’re clear – you want people to see the color of the beer.
• Consider a dry-erase board. You can list the beers you have in order, so people don’t have to spend all night searching through Untappd.

  

• Consider the sequence … the order you have certain styles. You’re not going to start with a barleywine and then follow it up with a pilsner and then a Double IPA. General rule of 👍🏼, lighter –> darker/ heavier.
• The Kill-Shot. It’s the giant reveal at the end of the night. You line up all the cans-bottles-growlers that you had for the night and take one big final photo of the vanquished. Some would say it’s the most important part of the share!

What tips would you offer?